I was at a party, last night, and one of the guests was going around telling everyone that she was 9 weeks pregnant. Happened on the first try! It made me jealous and sad. It’s ridiculous. You would think that that sort of news wouldn’t bother me so much, anymore. Her fertility has nothing to do with me. And yet. Does it ever go away, I wonder?

21 weeks, this week. Everything is looking good. We’ve started researching birthing plans and will tour our birthing center next week. We have a list of day cares to interview. Sometimes I am still surprised that this is actually happening.

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Went to lunch with a friend the other week and she told me she was planning on getting pregnant next year. She’ll be 38 in November, but she told me she’s not too worried because “women get pregnant in their 40s all the time”. 

Another friend, who is getting married next month, told me she is waiting till next summer to try because she and another friend “want to have babies at the same time”. Said friend has PCOS, but she “doesn’t think it will be a big deal”.

I didn’t say anything in either situation, of course. Maybe everything will work out as planned for them. Who am I to kill that optimism, right? As if either would listen anyway. Still, it made me a little sad for the girl I used to be, two years ago, before all this infertility stuff. That was me. Making plans. Sure. You never think the bad stuff is going to happen to you.

16 weeks tomorrow. I thought I was past morning sickness but it’s came back to say hello this week. Other than that I’ve been feeling great. My body hasn’t changed all that much yet. I’m still in the bump or too many burritos phase. (Most of the time it’s burritos). 

Today is my birthday (36! eep!). It’s also week 14. Last week I got the best possible early birthday present ever. Our genetic screen came back completely normal. We also learned we’re having a boy! This after the ultrasound tech told us he was almost positive it was a girl. Ah well, healthy is all we wanted.

Morning sickness has finally started to wane. I can actually look at food again! I still mostly just want to eat cherries and watermelon and drink lemonade, but that’s how I usually feel in June anyway.

We told our families and friends last week. It was…strange? I despise being the center of attention (no Facebook announcements for me). And I never know what to say to the folks asking IF I’M EXCITED?!? (Which, of course, we are, among a million other things). Or the dreadful WAS IT PLANNED. Oh, if they only knew.

We had our NT scan last week. My stomach was in knots waiting in the waiting room, then on the table. Will ultrasounds ever not worry me? I’m really hoping so. All the measurements looked great. We opted out of the blood work and chose to do the Verifi prenatal test instead. And now we wait. My mind has been running in circles. Please let everything be ok. Please let everything be ok. Please let everything be ok. I’ve promised myself (and the husband) that if when we pass this hurdle I will let go. Relax (how I’ve grown to hate that word). Enjoy this whole thing. Maybe the nausea will go away soon too? Positive thoughts.

First, thank you for all the well wishes. I’ve been unsure how to continue here, but I know I enjoy following people’s stories all the way through, so I will continue to post updates. I completely understand if it’s not what you want to read.

Yesterday was our 8 week appointment and graduation from our RE. It was a little sad. These people have been really good to us and we’re so thankful for what they’ve been able to do for us. It’s still all a bit surreal.

Everything is measuring on schedule, 8 weeks on the nose with a heartbeat of 169. Nausea has come on in full force this week. I spend most mornings dry heaving until I can get some food in my stomach. I’ve been having the strangest food aversions, for example, bacon makes me green. Just typing that made my stomach turn. Bacon! I usually love warm things but can’t seem to stomach any of it right now. I’ve been drinking smoothies and eating A LOT of oranges. I used to drink 3 or more cups of herbal tea a day. Can’t stand the smell of it now. It’s weird what our bodies do.

The most exciting news: NO MORE PIO SHOTS.

First appointment with my nurse midwife is at 10 weeks.

We had our first ultrasound yesterday. The nugget is measuring on track at 6 weeks and a few days and we got to hear a heartbeat. It was surreal. I spent most of the morning leading up to the appointment in a blind panic. I haven’t really had any symptoms. Maybe a little bit of nausea? Next check up is next week at 8 weeks. If all goes well, we can stop PIO shots, estrogen supplements, and I’ll be released to an OB. I haven’t even allowed myself to look for one yet, but I guess I better get on that?

Oh! And there is only one! The high betas had us wondering.

Doubling in 34 hours. Crazy pants. It’s starting to sink in. I still feel great, no symptoms. I had some cramping and night sweats the days leading up to the beta (typical PMS symptoms for me) that left me feeling low but have felt great since Thursday. Hopefully that’s my normal. I’m trying to just embrace it and how lucky we’ve been and take it one day at a time. Easier said than done!