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Monthly Archives: August 2012

IUI #1 is in the books. It was pretty painless. Now we wait. Some numbers, for the record book:

  • 2.5 Letrazole, days 3-7. No side effects.
  • U/S on day 10 showed 2 large follicles, 17mm on the left, 16mm on the right and a smaller 10mm also on the right. Lining was on the thin side, 6mm.
  • Estrogen days 10-13 to help with lining
  • HcG trigger shot 8pm on day 12
  • IUI at 10am on day 14 (38 hours from trigger)
  • Sperm count 10.2 million

Fingers crossed.

M (who is currently 4 months pregnant and living over seas and is planning a trip back home – here – at the end of the month): So excited to visit! Do you know of any good maternity stores there? I can’t find any good stores here.
*5 minutes of complaining about not fitting any of her clothes*

Me: I don’t know. I’m sure you can find some.
*changes subject*

2 mother effing days later…

M: OMG I don’t fit any of my clothes, do you know of any good maternity stores there? Did I ask you that already? I’m so tired (from being pregnant) that I can’t remember. Ha ha.
Me: *head explodes*

I love this girl. She has been the only person I can talk to about this fertility stuff because it took them awhile too, but it’s like being pregnant has totally ate her brain and made her an obtuse asshole. Or I am being over sensitive. Argh.

It’s here. Decision time. I have my CD3 baseline appointment on Saturday morning. Yesterday I also started reading The Infertility Cure. Part of me would love to give a holistic path a chance, say three months, and see if we can do this on our own. The other part of me feels like our time is running out. I turned 35 in June and the clock is loud and ticking.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to start my period today or tomorrow. My chart has been all sorts of wacky but a few days ago I got the little triphasic notice on FF and my heart skipped a beat and my mind started whirring. Could I be the urban legend that gets pregnant the month before she starts fertility treatment!?! Then the next day my temps fell and with them my hopes. Now I’m just waiting for CD1 so we can get this show on the road and crunching numbers to figure out how the heck we’re going to pay for all of it. On deck for the coming month is Femara and our first IUI. Oh, yeah, and I’m also throwing my bff a baby shower. Because I’m a masochist.

First it was M’s brother’s girlfriend, in April. Then one of my best friends in May. She and her husband had been trying for over a year before she got referred to a specialist. At her first appointment the doctor found some abnormalities that a laparoscopy later confirmed was advanced edometriosis. She had 1 blocked and 1 partially blocked tube. He told her her chances of getting pregnant on her own were less than 5%. She got pregnant that same month.

Two weeks later my other best friend emailed me the news that she was (surprise!) pregnant with her third child. They had wanted to stop at two, she moaned. Fertiles. I shake my fist at you. That week, while getting acupuncture, I bemoaned the baby boom happening around me to my acupuncturist. I’d been seeing her for 5 months to help with my (lack of) fertility. She blinked at me rapidly for a few seconds then said, “guess what!”. She’s due in October, that’s what.

June was quiet, thank goodness. There was 1 in July but this past week, 3 new announcements. It’s the baby-explosion of ’12. I may need to hide under a rock for the rest of the year.

I am 10dpo today. Or maybe 8. Let me explain.

At the start of this cycle we started seeing an RE. We did a baseline ultrasound on day 5, which just so happened to be the day of our first appointment. 2 days later I went back to do a SIS, where all checked out fine. Then she told me to come back on day 12 so she could monitor how my follicles were growing. Now, I’m a total nerd, so this was very exciting to me. I chart because the graphs make me happy (data!) and here was a doctor telling me I would get to watch my ovaries GROW EGGS.

A sidenote: I’ve been charting since September 2011. I am regular. I ovulate, on average, on day 16. Sometimes it’s 14, a couple months it was 19, but mostly day 16. I have a 13 day luteal phase. My OPK turns positive 1-2 days before I my temperature shifts. Did I mention I like data?

So when the doctor told me to start with the OPKs on day 10 I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. Still, I listened. Day 10 was negative. No surprise. Day 11 was positive. I barely glanced at it before I went to throw it in the trash. I am never positive that early! I actually took a picture of it, I was so surprised (proof!). The next day I went in for my ultra sound, told the doc about my positive and excitedly waited for her to find the goods. Except she didn’t. And she looked for a good long while. What she found was a 12mm follicle on my right with a few smaller ones, a hand full of smaller ones on the left and what looked like a corpus luteum, though it was possible it was from last cycle. She sent me off to get my blood drawn and told me to come back in 2 days.

When I went back she told me my blood work was inconclusive. My LH didn’t seem to be surging, my estrogen was only 79 and my progesterone was 1.9. My ultrasound that day was also inconclusive. If anything, the larger follicle from two days prior had gotten smaller. I think her exact words were, “hm, that doesn’t look right”. There was still what could, maybe, be a corpus luteum. She told me to come back in 3 days and sent me off to draw more blood.

Three days later the verdict was, I had, indeed ovulated. Either on day 11 or day 13. Still, my estrogen was low and the ultrasounds were wacky so it was probably not a very good ovulation. She told me to call in a week when my period started and we could discuss fertility drugs for the next cycle.

I was crushed. I think I kept hoping that I would go in for my ultrasound and the doctor would be blown away by how normal and regular and awesome my ovaries were. I don’t know. It’s not rational, of course. It’s been over a year. Still, it’s hard to not hope.

If we get pregnant this month, I’ll be due on our 7 year dating anniversary. I know that is a dangerous hope. That our chances of getting pregnant on our own are small. And yet, I can’t help but think about it, and dream.