I was at lunch with a group of girlfriends, on Saturday, when one of the ladies declared to the table that she was going to get pregnant on her honeymoon next summer. The whole table exploded with excited chatter, throwing around potential baby names and guesses as to who the baby would look more like. I sat in silence. Two years ago, I would have gladly joined in. Two years ago I would never have imagined that I wouldn’t have a baby exactly when I willed it to be. Part of me envied their excitement. The optimism that allowed them to assume that it would be easy. I’d forgotten how so many people believe it’s easy. I stayed for a few minutes, listening to them talk around me, then made an excuse and left. I didn’t want to sit there, a lump of negativity. I did’t want to wait for the conversation to round back to me, the only married lady at the table, and my future babies. I didn’t want to rain on their cheer. And yet, I sort of wished I had spoken up. I haven’t really shared with many people what we are going through. I haven’t known how. And I wonder if I have the right to be frustrated by the ignorance if I’m not willing to say something, share my story with people who don’t know better. I just don’t know. How would you have handled the situation?
My asshole follicles decided to go back to sleep. Went in for an ultrasound yesterday and saw a whole lot of nothing again. Lots of smallish follicles measuring < 10mm. Lining at 6.5. In the 15 cycles that we've been trying I have never had an anovulatory cycle. It does appear as though that is what this is going to be. I had hoped that maybe she missed it and I ovulated on Monday, but my temperature was still low today. I have no idea. We go back in a week to check progesterone (HA HA HA) and go over our options for next cycle. Bring on the injectables.
Since a couple of people asked about acupuncture in my last post, I thought I’d write about my experience. First, I hate needles. I am a complete needle phobe. I squeeze my eyes shut and hyperventilate every time I give blood, which lately is something like 1x week. When my husband gave me trigger last month I thought was going to faint. I have no idea how I’m going to move on to injectables next month. And yet, acupuncture is no big deal. It does probably help that I’m lying down with my eyes shut while she’s doing it. The needles are really thin and barely prick your skin. The only thing I feel is when she is “tuning” the needles to get my chi moving. Then, I’ll sometimes feel a twinge, but it feels nothing like getting stabbed by a needle.
I’ve been going 2x a month since December. The lady I see is also a licensed Naturopath, and she’s had me on various herbal supplements since February. Since starting the biggest change is with AF. I barely have cramps. Maybe I’ll take an aspirin, but honestly, I rarely need that anymore too. The sessions leave me feeling relaxed and centered and I find I have more energy, overall, when I’m doing it consistently.
When I told my RE I was doing acupuncture she was really supportive. She said, though she didn’t understand it, her success rates are higher with patients who are doing acupuncture.
That’s about my take on it. I don’t understand it. Maybe I’m just fooling myself? Whether it works or not, it makes me feel better. It’s my pocket of peacefulness in the madness that is infertility.
There was noticeable follicle growth at my ultrasound yesterday. This cycle may not be bust after all! Dr P has no idea why my body is responding so differently this cycle as compared to last or why, even with estrogen supplements my estrogen levels seems to be lowish, but she seemed pleased with the progress so I’m going to be too. After my ultrasound I went to acupuncture to “get my ovaries charged up and moving”. I’ve been doing acupuncture for about 7 months now, and though I was skeptical at first, I really believe it’s made a difference. At the very least, I never have AF cramps anymore. My skin is clearer too! Next check up is on Tuesday because my doctor is travelling.
Hello ICLW-ers and welcome to We Are Learning To Make Fire. I know, I know, it’s a mouthful. It comes from a poem by the incredible Margaret Atwood. You can read it here.
Some quick facts about me:
- For much of my life, I was positive I didn’t want kids. I was vocal about it. And then, sometime around my 31st birthday, I completely changed my mind. The universe seems to think this is hilarious.
- I turned 35 this past summer, which means that the inevitable “when are you starting a family” questions are now followed by “you know you’re not getting any younger right”. Riiight. As a side note, I would like to thank all the well meaning folks for clarifying this for me. WHAT WOULD I DO WITH OUT YOUR WISDOM?
- My husband is 2 years younger than I am. We met 9 years ago. We’ve been married for 2.
- We are currently in the middle of our second IUI cycle. It’s not going so great.
- While waiting (and waiting and waiting) for this baby stuff to happen we shower all of our parental affection onto this little guy. We love him to pieces.
This is Bear. He is awesome.
Thanks for stopping by!
That is what is happening with my reproductive system at the moment. A handful of smallish follicles, the largest at 10. A thin, sad lining at 5.7. Today is CD10. This time last cycle I had 2 large follicles and was prepping to trigger in two days. My letrozole dosage was actually increased this cycle, and yet, nothing. Dr. P. told me that if it looks like nothing is moving when I go back in on Friday she is cancelling this month’s IUI. We then sat and talked about options for next cycle, barring I get pregnant (suuuuure). She would like to move me to injectibles, but it is not covered with my insurance (letrozole is), so we’d be looking at $800 – $1200 for the IUI, including medication. However, 1 IVF is covered by my insurance. With copays an IVF cycle would cost ~ $3500 ($4500 if ICSI). So then question then becomes, do we keep trying with the IUIs or do we move on to IVF where our chances are greater? So much to think on.
Went in for my CD3 baseline today. The positives: all looks good with the insides and my doctor seemed just as upset as I was that last cycle failed. She is still optimistic that she can make this work for us, so I am holding on to that. I have to hold on to something right? (Cue dirty jokes)
Because my lining is the slacker, I am taking estrace starting today until she tells me to stop. She also upped my dosage of Femara. I go back on Monday for a check up. Fingers crossed this is our cycle.