Positive thoughts needed

Sidenote 1: the coordinator we’ve been dealing with is a fill-in. Ours has been on vacation since the day before our egg retrieval.

This might be jumbled, bear with me.

So yesterday I called my clinic to ask for an update since I hadn’t heard a peep from them since Sunday. I am told that there is no new information. That they won’t know anything till tomorrow and that I should not worry, but I’m told it in such a way that she is basically blowing me off. I get that I’m not this person’s full time patient, but the conversation leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Sidenote 2: I’m so sick and tired of health care professionals making me feel like I’m a crazy for wanting to understand what is going on with my health. For not just wanting to understand but wanting details. I may not be a doctor but I’m not stupid and I can do without the head patting condescension. And yes, it’s possible I’m projecting and whatever. This is shit is hard.

So I finally got a call near the end of the day today. It was the longest day. I’m told that they are waiting one more day to freeze and that my coordinator will be back tomorrow to answer any questions. She doesn’t ask me if I have any questions. She doesn’t offer any details. I finally ask her why they are waiting and she says, oh, they just do sometimes. I then ask her how many are left alive. She says 2, reminds me my real coordinator will call me tomorrow. I can tell by this time that she just wants to get off the phone so I hang up with her.

I’m gutted. This is all the treatment our insurance will cover.

After going back and forth with the husband via text I decide to call her back to see if I can get any more info. Most importantly, I want to know why, if they only have 2, they are not going to freeze today. When I’m connected with her office she immediately puts me on hold and transfers me to the embryologist. Fine by me.

The embryologist is immediately reassuring. She asks me what i know (basically nothing). She asks, but didn’t anyone call you on Day 3? (Um, no). She then goes over everything, in detail, from the beginning. Before I got off the phone with her she told me she had done IVF too, which explains why she was so awesome.

So this is where we stand. On Sunday we had 13 fertilized eggs. We lost 4 by day 3 but the 9 left “looked great” and were 6, 7 or 8 celled. A few had fragmentation, but overall it looked good. She then explained to me that after day 3 the paternal DNA starts expressing itself and we tend to see some drop off from there. Low morphology has been our only diagnosis through this whole thing (that’s why we did ICSI). All were dividing happily on day 4 but when she checked them today none had made it to blast yet. She said of the 9 left, 4 look good and 5 are a little behind. She is hopeful that we will have at least 2 to freeze tomorrow, but (obviously) she can’t guarantee me anything. Our clinic will only freeze blasts.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m not a religious person, but if you could send good thoughts our way I would appreciate it. And if you have any positive stories of slacker morulas that went on to make beautiful blastocysts, that would be great too.

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5 comments
  1. Sending positive thoughts your way!! Good luck, I am very anxious to hear what happens!

  2. Oh, many positive thoughts coming your way. You are amazingly patient and kind and understanding. I think I would’ve had someone’s head (specifically, the one who put you off). This waiting game is no fun.

  3. I’m sending all the positive thoughts I can your way and towards that lab! Hoping for some great progress overnight!!

    I do not know much about IVF at all but I think you were pushing off the transfer because of the possibility for OHSS, right? Can they tell how that’s going now? Is there any chance they’d let you transfer any morulas that they wouldn’t freeze? (Again, I don’t know much so I might be totally sounding crazy, but it’s a thought…)

  4. sending you huge positive thoughts and tons of commiseration about crappy/inattentive/condescending health providers, but so glad for you you got someone who took you seriously in the end. Really hoping that your lovely blasts and possibly some morulas make the freeze okay. Thinking of you.

  5. Daryl said:

    Sending lots of positive vibes your way! Hoping for good news tomorrow!

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